Couples & Relationship Therapy

I love working with couples because so much change is possible. I will work with you to identify and work through the painful and stuck places in your relationship, and will support you in creating a different experience of one another that honors each partner. 

My specialty is working with couples who have reached an impasse in their relationship and who are looking to enhance their relationship by more deeply understanding and transforming their entrenched relational patterns. This may mean addressing unmet childhood needs and understanding each of your relational/family histories to gain more insight into the current struggles. I believe this type of work has the greatest staying power over the long-term and requires a joint investment of time and effort. Typically, my clients come into this process prepared to work - both in session and between sessions.

You will find my style direct, yet compassionate; challenging, yet supportive. I will be honest with you about what I witness in your relationship as it plays out in front of me in our first few sessions. This means I will reflect back to each of you about the ways you deal with your partner that are often counterproductive and self-defeating. The change I aim for is not a superficial one, but one that transforms the relationship. In addition to longer-term couple therapy, I also offer more time-limited therapy to address specific conflicts or within the context of pre-marital/pre-commitment counseling.

Common Issues addressed in couples therapy

  • Feeling “stuck” or in a rut together

  • “Perpetual problems”- the same issues that keep coming up over and over

  • Conflict avoidance that has led to accumulated resentment in one or both partners

  • Feeling unheard or unloved

  • Difficulty finding resolution or progress after arguments

  • Inability to find repair after hurt

  • Prolonged disconnection and loneliness

  • Difficulty expressing needs and/or feeling like things are out of balance

  • Relationship enhancement or relationship “tune-ups,” particularly during difficult transitions such as moving, deciding to have a child or starting a family, empty nest, family death, or chronic/sudden illness

  • Resolving differences in communication or attachment styles

  • Pre-marital/pre-commitment counseling to feel prepared and lay a solid foundation

  • Financial concerns

  • Loss of sexual intimacy or other sexual concerns (see below)

Many of the couples I see sought me out specifically because of my sub-specialty in sexuality, but many people end up finding our work useful in other dimensions of their relationship once they realize that their sex life is inextricably linked to other core conflicts within the relationship itself. To learn more about my work with couples sex therapy, click here.

If you are seeking clarity about whether or not to stay in your relationship or marriage, we can enter into a discernment process. The goal of this is not to “save the relationship” but rather to help each of you decide whether working on the relationship is viable. We will work to understand how you arrived at this spot in your relationship as well as understand the possibilities for the future. Discernment counseling is sought out typically when one partner is considering divorce/separation (leaning out) and the other other partner is more invested (leaning in) - otherwise known as “mixed agenda” couple. In this process, I will care less about keeping the marriage together and more that you each make the decision from a healthy place. This short process includes both conjoint and individual sessions and typically lasts 4-5 sessions, give or take, at which point one of three things will happen:

  • You will continue on as you have before, maintaining the status quo

  • You will decide to separate or divorce

  • Or you will each make a 4-6 month effort to work on the relationship, with the threat of separation off the table, after which you can make a decision to stay or go

I do not work with with couples who are experiencing ongoing intimate partner violence and will provide the appropriate referrals if this becomes apparent.

If you are navigating the complexities of a divorce and/or issues of child custody, I will provide you with a referral list for therapists specializing in this area.